Turk Off 2: 9 - 12 Beardy Brings the Whoppin' Stick

If there's one good thing that comes from the Turk Off...wait, what the heck am I talking about? There are COUNTLESS good things that come from the Turk Off. But, here's one of them: we now have a name for my years long obsession with getting Curtis Granderson to grow a huge fro. The "Granderfro" is the perfect name for what would ultimately be a glorious hairsyale of indescribable beauty.

So dubbed by the illustrious Commissioner Dayf, proving once again that while I may be a silly little blogger, he is an artist.

But back to the Turk Off and Beardy's formidable latest submission. Do I have the stones to stave off what could be a clean sweep by the Wonderbeard? Read on to find out.

Pack 9:

417 Bobby Crosby
412 Doug Davis
435 Sean Casey
534 Doug Mientkiewicz
573 Bonds On Deck CL Red 2pts


409 Carlos Guillen
391 Jermaine Dye
506 Rickie Weeks

Pack Total: 2 pts


Pack 10:

318 Shawn Green
446 Orlando Hernandez
443 Kris Benson -2pts Oh crap. I didn't realize when I made the negative player list that Benson was an Oriole. I thought he played for someone else. Oh well, I'll take the hit here. I think if Beardy pulls a Benson he should get his 2 points, though. It was my mistake.


542 Mark Hendrickson White 5pts


316 Alex Rodriguez Red Add Back 2x3 = 6pts I know he's a Yankee, but he's in his M's uni so I didn't take the penalty. I think that is proper scoring. May need a ruling by the Commish.



382 Justin Morneau
377 Roy Oswalt
603 Nat McLouth

Pack Total: 9 pts


Pack 11:

505 Pedro Martinez 2pts I'd be much more excited by a Pedro card if it didn't look so much like Gary Carter standing there on the pitcher's mound.


585 Tom Seaver 2pts Sweet retired player card. I'm a little jealous of Beardy's Nolan Ryan, though. Not because Ryan is better than Seaver (I don't think he is), but because Ryan's stirrups look so awesome in his card. Be sure to check it out at Beardy's Blog.


531 Chad Cordero
408 Jaime Moyer
393 Paul Lo Duca Red 2pts


504 Victor Martinez 2pts Seeing Victor again in his Tribe uni brings a smile to my face, while the tears roll down.


514 Mike Cameron
562 Kenny Rogers

Pack Total: 8 pts


Pack 12:

523 Dan Haren
459 Xavier Nady (Damn, no SP. Wrong uni.)
423 Vinny Castilla
341 Dontrelle Willis Red 2pts


524 Adrian Gonzalez SP 5pts


602 Matt Kemp
CB Clint Barmes Red Auto 25pts Nice! A red auto! I was hoping for some kind of auto variation. Can't knock this card.



355 Adam Dunn

Pack Total: 32 pts

Well it looks like I'm going to barely hang on to the Turk Off lead after a historic set of packs that includes the first ever Turk Off tie. It will be neck and neck going into the bottom half of the Turk Off.

It was a mighty blow losing the pack that I pulled the Red Auto in. I mean, what the heck are the chances that we are both going to pull a red auto in the same friggin' pack? I guess the way it played out is fair because McCann is better than Barmes. It's disappointing none-the-less.

With all of the big hits out of the way it will be small ball down the stretch.

And, while I have been holding my own in the poling, Beardy still leads. This despite the fact that I've been winning the Turk Off for the entire time? What's wrong with you people?

Turk Off 2: 5 - 8 Keeping the Pressure On

Well, Beardy has ripped his first Turks and has been found wanting. I take a 3-1 lead in the Turk Off 2. However, I know better than to let up. I'm sure he has something up his sleeve. The worst thing I could do at this point is underestimate him.

If there is one thing I know for sure, it's that Beady is a worthy adversary.

Here are my next 4 packs as I attempt to keep the pressure on.



Pack 5:

356 Jeromy Burnitz
488 Garret Anderson
345 Carlos Zambrano
625 Nick Markakis 5pts Alright! Now I've pulled the big 2. Take that Beardman!


501 Alfonso Soriano Nats Red 2pts Damn, if this was a base it would have been an SP and worth 5 pts instead of 2.


347 Carlos Lee
360 Chipper Jones 2pts A nice 2 pts Great Player in honor of the Commish who almost quit the Turk Off 1 in protest after Chipper was left off the list in lieu of a certain Mets 3rd baseman who shall remain nameless. That egregious error has been corrected for this Turk Off.


458 Aramis Ramirez

Pack Total: 9 pts


Pack 6:

334 Mark Ellis
365 Todd Helton
610 Anderson Hernandez
597 Chuck James
576 Touch 'Em All Red 2pts


515 Barry Zito
499 Marcus Giles
529 John Smoltz

Pack Total: 2 pts


Pack 7:

359 Javier Vazquez
604 Sean Marshall
439 Matt Morris
402 John Patterson White 5pts Who the hell is John Patterson?


561 Livan Hernandez Red Ad Back (2x3) = 6pts I can't believe I pulled this. I pulled the exact same Red Add Back out of the first box I busted a few months ago. Bummer, man. What are the chances? I'll take the 6 points, but it's still a bummer.



VG Vladimir Guerrero Relic 8 pts Well, here is my first hit. With Vlad The Impaler you can't complain. It would have been nice to pull some kind of variation, but I'll take it.


475 Michael Young

Pack Total: 19 pts



Pack 8:

500 Albert Pujols 2pts When all is said and done, will Albert be the greatest player ever?



472 Jeremy Reed
406 Aubrey Huff
549 Chien-Ming Wang -1pts Puke


468 Curtis Granderson Red 2pts I still think Curtis should grow the big frotire ala Bake McBride and Oscar Gamble. Instant superstar. I don't know why he won't listen to me. I know it can't be because he hasn't seen my blog.


431 Ben Sheets
419 Sidney Ponson -1-2 = -3pts Double puke.


593 Jeremy Hermida

Pack total: 0 pts

Well, I guess that splitting these four would be OK. I would keep my lead. I think that's the best I can hope for here. I worry that my tenuous lead is about to disappear as that 9 point pack could go down.

I guess we'll see.

I do see that, despite my early lead, people are voting in the poll that Beardy is the favorite. I take heart in remembering that everyone predicted a Beardy victory in the Inaugural Turk Off.

Your move Hairy.

Turk Off 2: 1 - 4 Let The Turking Commence!

Well, after much anticipation the moment is at hand. The World Famous Turk Off 2 is officially under way. I will strike the first blow by opening with 4 packs of glorious 2006 Turkey Red.

Wagering is encouraged.

I see Beardy's box of Turkey Red is as big as mine. Now we all get to see how he uses it!

Pack 1:

323 Cliff Floyd
322 Mark Kotsay
573 Bonds On Deck CL
544 Chris Capuano White 5 pts A nice way to start off. I have no idea who Chris Cauano is but he netted me a fiver right off the bat.


569 Jose Guillen Red 2 pts I'd get more excited about this if I didn't already know that there is a Red card in every pack. I still think they look awesome.


561 Livan Hernandez
551 Craig Wilson
516 Luis Gonzalez

Pack Total: 7pts


Pack 2:

614 Hanley Ramirez 2pts Pack 2 starts out nicely with a great rookie card!


579 In The Hole CL
609 Matt Cain
469 Kerry Wood
379 Moises Alou Red 2pts



486 BJ Ryan
474 Lyle Overbay
420 Luis Castillo

Pack Total: 4 pts


Pack 3:

559 Juan Encarnacion
319 Daniel Cabrera 2pts


424 Tom Glavine
442 Jose Lopez
346 Nomar Garciaparra
369 Grady Sizemore 5pts There he is! Now, some of you might not be to excited to see this sweet card...what with all of the "other" pictures of Grady floating around lately. I prefer the turkey red version myself. But, that's just me. No telling what Beardy would prefer. My wife was sure impressed (not with the turkey red).


592 Conor Jackson
494 Jarrod Washburn

Pack Total: 7 pts


Pack 4:

328 Orlando Hudson
537 Alex Rios
456 Rafael Furcal
601 Brian Slocum Red (2x2) = 4pts I prefer Heathcliff myself, but Brian netted me a few extra points so no complaints.


450 Derek Jeter SP (5/2) = 2.5pts My first Yankee, but I can't complain. At least it was an SP and didn't net me negative points.


540 Yadier Molina
527 Cory Sullivan
445 Travis Hafner 2pts I've given up on Travis ever being the masher that he used to be, but I still love him. And we'll always have 2007.


Pack Total: 8.5 pts

Honestly, I have no idea how to judge these packs. My guess is that they are pretty typical for not getting any hits. My best guess is that we'll split the opening 4 packs, although I could get lucky and squeak by with 3. Of course that could just as easily go the other way.

OK Beardman, show me what you got!

Turk Off 2: The Handy Dandy Users Guide

Here, laid out before you, is the finely tuned rules for the Second Turk Off. This is meant mostly as a guide to the Great Beardy and myself to refer to during the competition for easy scoring. That, however, in no way excludes you lesser folk from looking. In fact, I encourage it.

Dayf, of the incomparable Cardboard Junkie, has once again been tagged as the commissioner. As if he had any choice in the matter he has graciously agreed. ( At least I think he has, not that it matters. He's Commish whether he likes it or not.) Please keep your correspondence with him to a minimum during the Turk Off as it will require his full and undivided attention. He is, of course, free to continue blogging, or whatever the hell it is that he does over there.

If there are any questions feel free to ask. Don't hold your breath for an answer but ask anything you want.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to improve scoring or sees something that we've overlooked, please, by all means, let us know in the comments. Like Hans Gruber, I will take it under advisement.

Now, hit it again.



Base Cards

Base 0
Red 2
White 5
Black 10
Gold 20
Suede 100


Relic

Base 8
Red 15
White 25
Black 40
Gold 100
Suede 500

Auto

Base 15
Red 25
White 40
Black 80
Gold 300
Suede 1,000


Orioles and Indians: +2 for base
X2 for hits and variations

Markakis or Sizemore: +5 base
X5 hits and variations

Yankees: -1 base
X ½ hits and variations

Negative players: -2 base
-5 hit or variation

Coco Crisp
Sidney Ponson
Kris Benson
Kameron Loe
Kaz Matsui

Negative Base Auto: -10
Dan Johnson

Negative Base Relics: -8
Frenchy
Morgan Ensberg

Expired Redemption: -100

Expired A-Rod: - 500 and a kick in the nuts (honor system)

Great Players List: +2 base
X2 hit or variation

(I tried to pick player who were not already on the SP list. This is subject to change prior to the start of Turking.)

Chipper Jones
Johan Santana
Carlos Beltran
Albert Pujols
Pedro Martinez

Great Rookies list: +2 base
X2 hit or variation

Prince Fielder
Ian Kinsler
Ryan Zimmerman
Hanley Ramirez
Justin Verlander

Retired Players: +2 base
X2 hit or variation

Add Back: X3

SPs: 5 pts (there are no SPs in the variations as far as I can tell, so base only)

SP List:

316B Alex Rodriguez Rangers SP
316C Alex Rodriguez M's SP
317 Jeff Francoeur SP
325B Magglio Ordonez White Sox SP
332 Joe Mauer SP
338 Jake Peavy SP
339A Carlos Delgado Mets SP
339B Carlos Delgado Blue Jays SP
343B Richie Sexson Brewers SP
348B Preston Wilson Marlins SP
350 Ichiro Suzuki SP
351B Mike Piazza Mets SP
357 Chris Shelton SP
358 Chone Figgins SP
364 J.J. Hardy SP
375 Derrek Lee SP
390 Jim Edmonds SP
392 Morgan Ensberg SP
395 Greg Maddux SP
400 Barry Bonds SP
405 Johnny Damon SP
410 Andruw Jones SP
411 Jhonny Peralta SP
416 Josh Beckett SP
418 Noah Lowry SP
422 Felix Hernandez SP
430A David Ortiz Red Sox SP
430B David Ortiz Twins SP
444 Jose Reyes SP
449 Nick Swisher SP
450 Derek Jeter SP
451 Scott Kazmir SP
455B Ken Griffey Jr. M's SP
459B Xavier Nady Padres SP
460B Randy Johnson Astros SP
465 Ryan Howard SP
466 Tim Salmon SP
467 Mark Buehrle SP
476A Nick Johnson Nats SP
476B Nick Johnson Yanks SP
481 Ryan Madson SP
489 Chase Utley SP
493 Tadahito Iguchi SP
497 Jorge Cantu SP
501A Alfonso Soriano Nats SP
501B Alfonso Soriano Yanks SP
508B Tim Hudson A's SP
521 Ervin Santana SP
524 Adrian Gonzalez SP
528 Joe Crede SP
532 Scott Rolen SP
535 Mark Teixeira SP
541 Ronny Cedeno SP
561B Livan Hernandez Giants SP
565 Jonny Gomes SP


Printing Plates: 20 pts (all 4 kinds are the same odds)

Cabinet or B-18 Blankets: 5 pts plus appropriate multipliers (both are the same odds)

Cabinet Auto Relic: X10
Cabinet Suede: X15
Cabinet Dual Auto Relic: X20
Cabinet Auto Relic Suede: X20
Cabinet Dual Auto Relic Suede: X100

Repurchased T-3 Cabinet or Blanket: +5,000

Turk Off 2: It's Going To Be On...Again

I know what you have all been thinking this past month:

"What about the Turk Off 2?"

"Isn't there supposed to be another historic Turk Off?"

"I can't stand this! I want to see another epic struggle waged between these 2 great men, one with beard and one sans, to determine, once and for all (or at least a second time) who is the greatest of the great, who will live to tell the tale, who will ultimately be the master of his cardboard domain!"

Well, after much delay and anticipation, I'm proud to say...It's ON! Almost 100% it's ON! I'd put it at no less than 82.3% that this thing is going to happen.

"What was the delay?" you are no doubt asking yourselves. Well...it was me. For reasons mostly within my control, but some out of my control, I kept delaying. To tell you the truth, after Beardy shamed me during the Gint-A-Cuffs, annihilated me in Fantasy football, and embarrassed the Browns with his stolen franchise...twice...I wasn't sure I wanted to risk the only title I hold over him...Lord of the Turk Off.

So, I delayed. I dangled turkey red flavored carrots. I devised Turk Off rules that made little sense. I repeatedly ignored emails asking for clarifications and changes. I made him wait...and wait...and wait. He must have spent untold hours just staring at that glorious unopened box of 2006 Turkey Red wondering if he would live to one day see the beauty that most assuredly lurked just under the lid.

I got inside his head. He must be just about insane by now.

Now, some of you may consider this bush league psych out stuff. Laughable, man.

I actually believe that I was doing Beardy a favor.



Like Pai Mei to Beardy's Beatix Kiddo, I was teaching him the importance of patience. Because it is important. I'm sure it is. At least that's what everyone else says.

But, his patience, unlike his beard, is wearing thin. And the epic struggle must soon commence. So it was written, and so it shall be done.

Soon to follow will be the official set of Turk Off 2 rules to be used as a reference guide.

After that, hide the women and children because the Turking Off shall begin once again.

Welcome Back Dubber

Welcome Back, your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back, to the same old Blogs that we laughed about.

That's right Kids! Dubbs is back; and so is his great blog Cheese And Beer.



So head on over and see what he's been up to.

Dubbs has always been one of my favorite bloggers. It probably started when he left me a comment on one of my more ridiculous posts and called it "genius". Being ever so humble I immediately thought "It's about damn time somebody figured that out."

Dubbs is clearly a genius in his own right for recognizing my genius.

He's been up to a lot of stuff. One of his big announcements is that he is now a homeowner in South Carolina. He's got a picture up on his blog, but I cut and pasted it here in case any of you are too lazy or too pressed for time to hit the link and look for yourselves.


It is a sweet looking abode. I'm sure there's a nice rug in there somewhere tying the whole thing together nicely.

So, if you are here, you probably have a blog. If you do, go over there and add Cheese And Beer back to your list if it isn't already there. Welcome him back proper.

I always felt like Beardy, Dubbs, and I were like the 3 Musketeers. Well, the 3 Stooges at least. I like the 3 Stooges better anyway.

Sixty Feet Six

Gint-A-Cuffs landed me a few Autos. For some reason, half of them ended up being the non-baseball variety. The first one was the Red Horse Auto (the auto was red, not the horse). The next one was Brock Yates, the guy taking credit for the Cannonball Run. I've got no real reason to doubt him, it's just that I've not been able to confirm his involvement.

Never the less, Jim from Sixty Feet Six Inches had his own little Brock Yates collection going. And, if someone puts their mind to collecting the Cannonball Run guy, I would never stand in their way? I'd consider it bad form. It's one of my two rules. (The other is I never date girls who say "bitchin".)

So, we worked out a trade. I sent him Yates and an assortment of the typical junk that I send out from time to time. He sent me a Ginter Auto and some Indians. This time I got a real live player for my auto!

You can check out what Jim got from me here. Although, I have already told you so you really don't have any reason to doubt me. If you clicked on that link...what the heck did I ever do to you to lose your trust?

Here's what I landed in return:

(And, can we all agree to ignore the fact that this trade went down 2 months ago? Thank you)


Fausto Carmona 2008 Topps Heritage

At this point I'm convinced that Fausto Carmona is actually twins. They are pulling the old switcheroo on us like one of those Lindsey Lohan movies. (You remember. Lindsey Lohan used to be a cute girl before she met Brittany Spears and turned into what appears to be a trailer park 33 year old recovering meth addict grandmother of 3). Point is, I think there are 2 Faustos. Or rather a Fausto and a Gausto.

Gausto pitched in 2006.
Fausto in 2007.
Gausto in 2008.
And, they must have been switching on and off in 2009.

Hopefully Tim Belcher can find Fausto and get Gausto a job selling Peanuts outside the stadium. And put a giant tattoo on one of their foreheads.

I don't care which one.

Grady Sizemore 2009 Goudey Mini

Never been able to quite figure out Goudey. They have regular cards and minis, but the minis aren't really mini size. They're still kind of fat. But not as fat as regular cards. And, I think one year the mini Goudey's were the regular Goudeys and there were no regular Goudeys and that's why the mini Goudeys were the regular Goudeys even though they were mini Goudeys.

Don't bother reading that again. Just trust me. It makes complete sense. Trust the old Uncle Scratcher.

Grady Sizemore 2009 Goudey

The regular Goudey.

Grady Sizemore 2009 Starquest Silver

Jim really knows the way to my heart doesn't he. 3 Sizemores!

Denard Span 2009 Ginter Auto

Here's the motherload. I've said before, I hate the Twins. But I like the Twins players. Now with the trade that sends Gomez to the Brewers, Span should spend more time in CF this year. It's probably his exclusively. And, I feel like he's ready to take a leap. Bad for the Indians. But good for my Ginter Auto!

Thanks Jim for the trade and the extra cards thrown in.