Blog Bat Around #5: Pointless Memories

Blog Bat Around #5. Dayf has presented a topic that on it's surface should be fairly easy to complete. Just give an accounting of your favorite experience acquiring cards or memorabilia. How hard could that be? Well, for me not so easy. Nothing really is coming to mind. I'm hoping as I write this a few things will pop into my head that I can write about.




So, I'll just start with some of my earliest memories and hope that I end up with a post. I'm sure what I'll end up with is a long rambling post about not much of anything that hardly anyone will read in it's entirety.

Right now I can't think of anything other than stories like:" There was this one Christmas that I got a 1984 Topps Mattingly Rookie Card. It was great. The end." But, that isn't very interesting.



The first thing I collected was those old sticker books. I remember the football stickers but not baseball. For some reason I had 1,000 Ed "Too Tall" Jones stickers. I may have had the baseball books as well, but for some reason I have no memory of them. Back then the entire goal was to fill your book. My brother and I would love to accompany my mom to the store because we knew that meant more stickers. You could get stickers and baseball cards at any convenience store that you walked into.




I think we got those books for about 3 years. Most likely 1981-1983. That's my best estimate. It taught me a very valuable lesson. At one point I snuck into my brother's room to look through his pile of stickers and doubles. This was serious stuff, you understand. I found a few that I liked and took them. I don't know how I was found out, but I was. I've always been a terrible liar and I assume that the guilt was written across my face.

By brother came up a few stickers short one day and raised holy hell. All attempts to blame my mother, the dog, or anyone else with means (and not necessarily motive) proved futile. I was dead to rights. Here was my father's solution. My brother and I put all of our stickers into one pile. I got a single double of any sticker that had a double. My brother got all of the rest, despite my protests. Even though we BOTH knew that some of the stickers were mine. I didn't get it then that it wasn't about being fair to me. I'm sure the punishment also included a spanking, which was the single worst thing that could befall me in my youth.

This little escapade taught me a very valuable lesson about stealing. Don't, under any circumstances, get caught.




My next experience would come a few years later with Cabbage Patch Kids. That's right. Cabbage Patch Kids. They were very popular, especially with the girls. It was the first thing I can remember people waiting and fighting at stores to get. Hell, even some of the boys had them.




I didn't get it. I thought they sucked. What the heck would I want one of those for? Do I look like some sort of Pansy or something? This didn't stop my mom from getting my brother and me each one. I think it was the thrill of the chase for her. She may have thought that once we had it we would come around. Well, we never took them out of the box. They just got kicked around in the attic or basement. Out of sight, out of mind.

Guess where they are now...nobody knows. They're lost. Can you imagine? An original Cabbage Patch Kid in it's original packaging? It was always there, just something that occasionally got in the way when you were looking for something else. Then, like Keyser Soze, it was gone. Man, the value of that thing would probably dwarf my entire collection, and my collection includes the complete factory sets of 1986-1991 Topps, so that's saying something.




I know that has nothing whatever to do with baseball cards or collecting, but I'm just typing here. And, besides, the rules did say memorabilia.

Anyway, I told you that story to tell you this one. I had no interest in the Cabbage Patch Kids, but that doesn't mean I wasn't aware of them. I'm not an idiot. You're not dealing with morons here. Like I said, I just thought they sucked, especially for a boy. So when they came out with Garbage Pail Kids in 1985, now that was something that I could get behind.

I was in love with Garbage Pail Kids. I HAD to have them. Not only were they hilarious, they also conveyed to my mother that I was in fact A BOY and the Cabbage Patch Kid was the wrong thing to get me. But you couldn't find the damn things anywhere. They would sell out immediately. My mother must have put in hours (I'm not kidding) calling and driving places with my friend's mothers in the hopes of getting them.

Well, mom, as usual, came through with a whole box. I could barely contain myself. My friend Chuck was there and we ripped into them. Mad Mike, Up Chuck, Drippy Dan, Crater Chris...these were all my friends. I It's probably the happiest I've ever been to get something card/memorabilia related. Thinking back about it, I can't believe the stuff that Topps got away with. They would take the same picture and put another name on it and wallah...new card. It would be like if they used the same picture for Adam and Andy LaRoche. Wait, what? Oh. Never Mind.



I saw about 8-9 months ago that a box of unopened series 1 Garbage Pail Kids (not the UK version) went for $1,600 on Ebay. Holy crap! I think back to how great it would have been if I had just put that box to the side and still had it now. Then I think: "Did I get $1,600 worth of fun out of opening that box?" You bet your sweet ass I did.




I can't say for sure but maybe it was the Garbage Pail kids that got me into baseball card collecting to begin with. Sure, I had some cards, but I don't remember really collecting until 1986. That's when I first heard of Beckett. Then I was ruined for the next 5 years with dreams of hitting it rich with my collection. I'm sure that isn't anything out of the ordinary.

Because of that I have a special place in my heart for 1986 Topps, otherwise known as the ugliest/laziest card set ever produced. But the last specific story I wanted to talk about happened a few years later in the magical year of 1989.




It was late winter. Cinderella was on the radio, Richard Moll was on the TV, love was in the air, and my right foot had started to hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. I noticed it on monday. By friday it was almost unbearable. So much so that I nearly got into a fight with Tammy, a girl who undoubtedly would have removed my ass and handed it to me. My friends and I were going to my house, and then up to watch the wrestling match at the high school.




I had been complaining all week. My mom, begrudgingly, took me to the Urgent Care. They diagnosed tendinitis and gave me some pills. I lived with it. 2 days later everyone piled into my dad's conversion van (this thing was awesome) and we headed to a huge card show. I limped around it for a long time until I couldn't take it anymore. I had to go out to the van and lay down. That must be when my mom really stated to think "maybe this kid isn't faking it". I really don't blame my parents for not really believing me up until then because I had really established my self as something of a pussy by then.

This is such a strong memory because of what all of my friends: Chuck, Chris, Dan, and Doug did. They kept coming out to give me more cards and packs of cards. Some fairly expensive. The stuff just kept coming. I didn't ask how they got some of them, but I suspect they were adhering to the lesson that I learned in the "football sticker book affair" as it later came to be known. It really was kind of cool, getting all of that loot for no real reason, and it's why that show sticks out in my mind more than any other card show that I attended or any other thing that has happened when collecting, and far more than when I got this or that specific card.



Just to wrap up that story, because I know you will go out of your mind if I don't (it's so damned interesting) I ended up in the hospital. After trip to the doctor the next day I was sent to Cleveland and admitted to the hospital. I had osteomyelitis in my foot. They damn near had to amputate (seriously). I was in there for around 2 weeks. I got so much shit it was like Christmas every day. I can't imagine the piles and piles of presents I would have gotten if they had actually taken my foot. It might have been worth it.

Well, I suppose I've rambled on for far too long, as usual. None of my stories are particularly interesting, unusual, or groundbreaking, they're just what I have. And they're better stories than the time a few months ago I sniped a Shin Soo Choo auto off ebay for around $5.

For anyone who stuck with me to the end here I have 2 things to say.

1. Thank You

2. Why?

Blog Bat-Around 4: The Craigslist Idiot

For the forth Blog Bat-Around we’ve been asked by our lovely hosts, Patricia and Lucy at Dinged Corners (two of my favorite Blog People), to predict what will be valuable in 10 years. The stupidity that follows is my lame attempt.

There are a few approaches that I can take in answering this and I’ll go through them one by one.





1. The Vintage Card approach.

I can boldly throw up some scan of vintage cards and confidently predict that they will be valuable in 10 years. Then feel really good about myself for my keen insight into the hobby, the history of baseball, and life in general.

It would go something like this: “That’s right everyone, I’m here to tell you that in 2019 a 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle will be extremely valuable. You heard it here first. But that’s not all. Also, the shrewd collector should consider rookie cards of players such as Nolan Ryan, Rickey Henderson, Willy Mays, and Tony Bernazard. Mark my words and stock up on these cards because (you may not realize this) they were thought of as great players and their cards will be worth a lot of money someday. No need to thank me, I just love the hobby.”

This is very tempting.





2. The Rookie Auto of Players Who Have Already Panned Out approach.

“O.K. everyone! Listen Up! If you want to have valuable cards in 10 years you should consider hanging on to those 2001 Bowman Chrome Albert Pujols autos. He’s a heck of a player and his cards should be worth something eventually. Another card to keep your eye on is that 2002 Bowman Gold refractor auto of Joe Mauer. That kid shows some real upside. You heard it here first. No need to thank me, I just love the hobby.”

This would take too much research as I have no idea what an actual rookie card is anymore.





3. The Cards That Are Valuable Only To Me For Some Strange Reason approach.

“ You can keep your fancy shmancy autographed cards and cards with fancy little doodads on them. Back in my day we only had base cards. AND THAT’S THE WAY WE LIKED IT! We were just excited to get the cards of our favorite players and traded the rest or put them in our spokes. You can keep your shiny doohickeys. I’ll take my autographed 1981 donruss Joe Charboneau rookie card, or my Team USA Cory Snyder card, or even my Phoenix Firebirds Ernie Camacho over all of those new fangled pieces of junk. My cards are VALUABLE TO ME! And they’ll still be valuable in 10 years dang nabbit! No need to thank me, I just love the hobby."

This is also sometimes called the Grumpy Old Fogy approach. I’d use this but I already played that card in Blog Bat-Around #2 with my Score Eric Davis card.





4. The Super-Rare Piece Of A Historical Figure approach.

You know, like that piece of hair that Mario pulled. These always seem to have demand and go for a lot of money on EBay, and I don’t think I’d be going out on a limb to think that they will continue to be sought after in 10 years. It would go something like this:

“What will be valuable in 10 years? I’ll tell you what will be valuable in 10 years. Pieces of people, that’s what. Get your money out of Berkshire Hathaway. President Pitt and Vice President Clooney have us headed toward another recession anyway. The smart money is in Biological Used Memorabilia. Invest in things like the Richard Nixon Vas Deferens card in the Upper Deck Pieces of game used Reproductive Organ set. Or the 2013 Nancy Reagan 1/1 Slice of Areola card from Topps First Lady Thanks For The Mammaries set in Heritage. Look for the refractor! No need to thank me, I just love the hobby."

Ridiculous! You say? Maybe, but do you think if Brian Gray from Razor thought he could pull this off he would hesitate for even a second? I don’t.

I’ll skip this approach due to the graphic nature of any in depth discussion of the possibilities of cards like this.

That leaves only one other approach that I can think of.





5. The Playing It Straight approach.

This involves simply picking a few young prospects and seeing if any turn out to be the next Sizemore, Pujols, or Longoria.

Even though it goes against my nature, I’ll try to take this approach and list a few youngsters on which to stake my reputation. The main upside is I don’t have much of a reputation to stake.

Instead of just listing a few players here, I’m going to try to keep it a little more interesting and incorporate (rip off) what has quickly become my favorite blog “running feature”, the Craigslist Idiots from Bad Wax. Whenever I see it on my blog roll I get as excited as I get when I’m watching SNL and there’s a new episode of the Vinny Vedecci skit where Bill Hader interviews celebrities in Italian. It’s a feakin’ laugh riot.

In the Craigslist Idiots feature, Chemgod from Bad Wax picks ridiculous auctions and then, using only his wits as a weapon, continually beats the poor, stupid seller about the brain with common sense and logic. It really is a fantastic new feature.

So, I will make my own fake Craigslist feature as if I was selling my collection in 2019. In this ridiculous exercise I will be playing both the role of Craigslist Idiot (CI) and Chemgod (Me). If I had more time I would probably see if the mighty Chemgod himself would be willing to participate in this stupidity. Unfortunately, it’s already Thursday evening and I don’t have the time. Let’s see how my auction turns out and if I have, in fact, acquired the rookies and other cards that will be valuable in 10 years.

This is only an exhibition. Please, no wagering.

Craigslist Idiots – 2/14/19This one has to be a setup. Nobody could be this stupid and still be alive.

My Entire Baseball Card Collection - $147,000 OBO
Listing is for my entire collection of baseball cards. There are over 20,000+ cards in mint condition. I used to collect cards and this collection has been stored underneath my trailer in vacuum sealed shoeboxes for 10 years. The cards are of a plethora of brands from the years 1965-2011 with most being vintage cards from the late 1980’s. I stopped collecting in 2011 when Beckett went bankrupt.

Everything must go right now in one collection. I don’t have time to split anything up. My ex wife and her new husband (some cheese loving drunk named Dubbs) promised my son Grady the new Parks Bonifay Aqua Jet-Pak with the Kung Fu Handlebars and now they expect me to pay for half of it. Well, my bad luck just became your good fortune because now you can get the best card collection ever made available on Craigslist at a fraction of its considerable market value.

I’ve been offered well over $1 million in the past for this collection. Before Beckett went bankrupt I had all of my cards listed there and the value in 2010 was $1,267,528.63. It stands to reason that it would be worth much more now.

I can’t remember the cards but I know it includes stars, rookies, autos, and reprints of some old cards. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. If I wasn’t in this position with my ex I wouldn’t even consider selling at this ridiculously low price. I don’t know what they are worth now, but I know it’s a lot.

Serious bidders only please.

My first take: This guy is a complete moron. His Craigslist handle is “ModestlyPricedReceptacles” and his avatar is a bowling pin so you know he has no clue. He says the range goes back to 1965 but you know that it’s mostly garbage from 1988 and 1989 Topps, Fleer, and Score etc. Then he talks about how he priced them 10 years ago on Beckett. This dummy still thinks that Beckett had a clue even though they went bankrupt. HEY EINSTEIN THERE’S A REASON BECKETT WENT UNDER! So he puts all of these cards into his database and comes up with a ridiculous price. Then he expects someone to pay for this “great deal” because he’s willing to part with it for less than Beckett said it was worth. This buckethead even admits he doesn't know what they're worth. I’m not sure it’s worth my time messing with this dunce but I just can’t resist.

Watch me lowball him with what his cards are really worth and have his eyes bug out and his head explode.

The emails:
Me: Is that collection still available?

CI: Yes. You better hurry because I’ve gotten some tempting offers and my wife is breathing down my neck. When would be a good time to swing by and take a look?

Me: Well, there wasn’t really any info on what kind of cards are available. I don’t want to drive 37 hours round trip unless it’s worth my while. Could you tell me some of what you have? (The moron thinks I’m going to come over when even HE doesn’t know what he has or what it’s worth.)

CI: I haven’t really looked at what I have in a long time. I suppose if you want to be a jerk about it I could give you a list of some of the cards. Trust me, they’re totally awesome.

Me: I’m not trying to be a jerk, I just was hoping you could tell me what some of your favorites are. (I AM trying to be a jerk. This guy obviously deserves it)

CI: My favorites!? That’s like asking me to pick between my favorite American Idol Season 12 contestants! I have cards of Canseco, Bonds, A-Rod, Brett, Thomas, Puholes, Charboneau, Bernazard, Camacho…all the greats.

Me: Well, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the cards are valuable. Sure, Ernie Camacho is an all-time great player, but his cards for some reason, aren’t valuable enough to justify that price. (I’m not kidding. Ernie is great. His cards are worthless though)

CI: Who the hell do you think you are? How would you know the value? Trust me. I know what I’m talking about. I have some rookies too. When do you want to come out and see them?

Me: What rookies do you have from about 8-10 years ago. I need players and brands to get a good idea what they’re worth. I know you were hoping for offers in the $100,000 range. The best I can do without hearing the rookies is $53. What do you say? (This guy's still trying to get me to come out. Where do these people come from? Oh yeah, Cleveland.)

CI: $53 ?!?!?!?!?!?! You are obviously an idiot. These cards are worth a fortune. If you had any idea what you’re talking about then you’d agree after this list of Bowman Chrome and Razor rookie cards. I’m not sure of the players (I haven’t watched baseball since the A-Rod scandal) but I’m sure any knowledgeable collector would know that these are worth a fortune.

Brett Wallace – Cardinals – 3B
Lonnie Chisenhall – Indians – SS/3B
Carlos Guttierrez – Astros – P
Carlos Santana – Indians – C
Brian Pellegrini – Astros – DH
Lars Anderson – Red Sox – 1B
Dexter Fowler – Rockies – CF

All of these are autographed rookie cards

Me: I have to admit that is a very impressive, Santana and Chisenhall alone have guided the Tribe to multiple World Series championships. Still, that price seems high considering the junk from the 80’s is worthless. I’ll offer you $83,000 considering those incredible rookie cards. A good way to figure out how much you collection is worth is to watch this video: http://voiceofthecollector.blogspot.com/2008/10/long-awaited-junk-wax-how-to.html (Can you believe this guy’s still trying to sell to me after that offer? I am surprised by the rookie list. Those are great cards. Obviously not worth what this guy thinks)

CI: You’re an ignorant A-Hole. The post clearly says for serious bidders only. If you were just going to waste my time why did you bother me in the first place? I hope you rot in hell jerk. Your mother was a hamster, and you father smelled of elderberries.

End of Emails

My Final Take: He really threw me for a loop with that incredible list of rookie autos. Most were probably from Razor. For those that can’t remember, Razor is the company that tried making baseball cards for a few years before giving up and then making a fortune in Porn Star trading cards. They had those redemptions where instead of sending out the card, the actual porn star would come out to your house for a conjugal visit. The first one was Jennifer Love Hewitt. His collection might be worth something but not nearly as much as he thinks. The guy is beyond hopeless.

So, there you have it. I’m staking my reputation on the rookie cards and autos of those 7 youngsters. (Did you see how I cleverly slipped in my prediction in the middle of all that idiocy? Pretty sneaky huh? And, you thought I wouldn't answer the actual Blog Bat-Around Question.) We’ll see where they are in 10 years. I know where I’ll be.

I’ll be at the Burro Alley. Margaritas and enchiladas on me. Hope to see you there.

My Indispensable Card

Blog Bat A Round Part 2

Here it is on Wednesday, 2 minutes after midnight in Ohio, and I still haven’t contributed to the 2nd Bat A Round. I don’t now if I’ve already missed Gellman’s deadline. I’m hoping he meant midnight in California. The plan was to whip this out (‘scuse me while I whip this out) last weekend, but the Boss had other ideas. The Boss weighs 6 pounds, but damn if he isn’t convincing.

We have been charged with the simple task of displaying the centerpiece of our collection. I don’t know how easy it is for some of you. For me it turned out to be really easy. It took a while but when I realized what card it is, it was staring me in the face the whole time. A “How didn’t I think of this immediately?” type of thing.

Just to build a little suspense, I’ll go ahead and list a few of the cards that crossed my mind. Just for laughs, I dug out an old 1991 Beckett, to look up the “value” of some of these cards. As a bonus, I’ve scanned the cover of the issue.

Say what you want about Beckett, they nailed it with their cover of issue #71. One of the greatest players ever, in one of the greatest uni’s ever, displaying a swing that can make grown men weep tears of joy. Just fantastic don’t you think?

The first card I thought of was the 1984 Topps Mattingly. This card was the prize of my collection for a long time. I don’t recollect how I got it, just that I had it. I must assume that my mom tracked it down for me somehow. In 1991, the card was worth $28. I saw a lot of 2 go on ebay a few days ago for $6 plus shipping. I don’t know what the Hitman did in these past 17 years to deserve such a drastic drop in value, but he must have done something. What else could explain it?

Sorry, got off topic a little bit there.

1975 George Brett Rookie. This is still probably my favorite card because, like a lot of people, 1975 Topps is one of my favorite sets of all time. According to Beckett, my card was worth $160.

1974 Topps Willie McCovey error card. This card says Washington instead of San Diego. I didn’t realize that I had an error card until after the whole Billy Ripken furor.* I remember looking this card up in Beckett and realizing that I had the error when there were 2 different versions of it. I remember how excited I was that day.

*Funny story. In 8th grade I got a staph infection (osteomyelitis) in my right foot. No one is sure how. I damn near lost the thing (my foot). It was very painful, and as a double whammy, I was too young to make sure that I fully enjoyed the morphine I was on in the hospital. Well, when you're 14 and in the hospital, people just get you stuff. It’s like “OH, you have an infection? Here’s a Nintendo game. Feel better now?” Doesn’t make much sense but that’s what people do. Who was I to argue?**

Well, my friend, Mike Goebelbecker, got me a Cavs shirt. The first time I wore it I realized what it said. “Cleveland Cavalers” not “Cavaliers”. “Cavalers” That’s right. Some people made a shirt that got produced, distributed, and sold with the name spelled wrong. Can you believe that? I was ecstatic. As far as I was concerned, anything with an error was a goldmine. This was some limited edition, one of a kind error shirt and was probably worth a fortune. Fleer screwed a lot of kids up, man.

** I also have a friend, Doug Hart, who forgot his lunch money while I was still out of school. He decided to take up a collection. He ended up with $52. He bought his lunch but didn't know what to do with the rest. He came over to my house and just gave me this big wad of $1 bills like I was some kind of stripper of something. I guess he felt funny about keeping it. So, it was OK to misrepresent himself and take up a false colection if it's for a good cause (like lunch), but the stakes got too high and Doug felt a twinge of conscience. Isn't the morality of children wonderful?

Where was I? Oh yeah. Willie McCovey. The error was worth $25, which was $21 more than just the boring old regular card.

1986 Donruss Jose Canseco Rated Rookie. In Feb 1991, this card was worth $110. Apparently it was past it’s peak because it has that little down arrow next to it. As a kid, if you didn’t have this card…well...you were a dork. Sorry.

Since my return, I haven’t really picked up anything to get attached to. I have some cool cards, but nothing I would consider a centerpiece. Nothing that made me jump for joy when I got it. Not yet, anyway.

No, my centerpiece must come from my past collecting. Those cards I just listed are great. I’m glad I have them. They bring back great memories, but is any of them a centerpiece of a collection? So I asked myself what a centerpiece should be. I guess it came down to a card that is indispensable. A card that I wouldn’t give away or trade for anything. Are any of the cards I thought of like that? No, they aren’t. I’d trade any of them to someone who really wanted it. It probably sounds cheesy but I’d let go of any of them as long as I thought the person getting it was really going to appreciate it.

So, what do I have that I wouldn’t give away? When I figured out the right question, the answer was easy.

My 1990 Score Eric Davis. Beckett value 18 cents.

Eric Davis was awesome. He was my favorite player for a long time. People forget how good he was. Look him up on Baseball Reference (here, I did it for you). He had some monster years. But why this card? It’s because my cousin, Jim, got it for me. For Christmas. You’d have to understand how close we were. We were inseparable. We used to joke that we shared the same brain. There was no one in the world I loved more than my cousin Jim. And he’s probably the only person in the world who knew how much I loved Eric Davis, and thought of me when he saw that plaque with the 1990 Score Eric Davis card. He knew I’d love it. I knew the card itself wasn’t worth much, and I knew the plaque wasn’t worth anything either.

Thinking back on it, it’s pretty hilarious that someone, somewhere, decided to make plaques that held major leaguer’s cards and stuffed one with a 1990 Score card. But somehow, I always had the feeling that the sum was worth more than the parts. I don’t think I was wrong, either.

Tragically, Jim died this past summer in a horrible ballooning accident over the Grand Canyon. OK, that’s not true at all. But he did move to Charlotte. He’s still a cool dude. I'll see him at Christmas with his new daughter (we even had kids together). I'm going to bring a long this silly old plaque.

So there it is, the centerpiece of my collection. The one card I one that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Unless it was a 2000 Bowman Draft Grady Sizemore Auto. A man has needs, you know?