Friday, January 1, 2010

Rose Bowl

Well, it's a new year. My plans last year for a post a day have failed miserably. I enter this year with a new resolve not to fall so drastically short of my goals. This year my goal is a post a month. I feel like there is a good chance I can meet, or even slightly exceed this goal.

Because this is supposedly primarily a baseball card blog, I will kick off the new year by talking about football.

The Rose Bowl is today. Ohio State v Oregon. Or, more widely known as Motherscratcher v Stusigpi (AKA I Am Joe Collector)

That's right, Stusigpi is from the Pacific Northwest. Way out Oregon way. I will assume (for the purposes of this ridiculous post) that he is a die hard Oregon fan. Here is where I'd make fun of him for having a Donald Duck mascot, but I'm a Buckeye nut so I'll just let that one slide. Forget I mentioned it.

When Jeff and I first met over the ether he said: "I hold a special place in my soul for the dislike of a few college football programs." And then he lumps us in with Nebraska and Florida State. Can you imagine? We probably pay our players twice as much as those schools combined.

And Oregon? They spend their money on uniforms.

And Cheerleaders:

We might have The Best Damn Band In The Land. But, Oregon definitely has the best cheerleaders.

Since our inauspicious introduction, I feel like I may have turned Jeff's image of Buckeye fans (well deserved in many respects) around somewhat. Maybe instead of reserving a special place of dislike in his soul we've moved closer to the bowel or possibly the armpit. I'd take that. Baby steps, you know.

But anyway, in a few short hours the Buckeyes will rumble into Pasedena for the first time since 1997 and take on a Ducks team that is likely more talented. The Buckeyes haven't seen the likes of their offense, but the Ducks haven't seen the likes of our defense either. It should be entertaining.

No mention on whether Tressel intends to deploy the Dick Chaney Defense at any point.

If we were mayors of our respective towns, we would make some kind of silly bet based on what we are most known for. So, if Oregon wins we'd get rain and anti-government militias. If the Bucks win I'll be sending over some brown road sludge and unemployment. It should be epic.

And so, 364 days a year Stusigpi is one of my favorite bloggers. Today...he's my mortal enemy. That is unless he's an Oregon State fan. That would be OK I guess. I've got nothing against Oregon State. ( I won't even entertain the possibility that he's some kind of front running SEC fan. No, he seems like way to decent a guy for that).

After the game, Jeff, Beardy, and I can go back to being the 3 best friends that anyone could have.

And, of course, Woody hovers over all.


stusigpi said...

Epic post, well played.

The Buckeyes that were on my salad of organic greans and marion berrys (the non crack smoking kind) have started to make their journey into my bowels, however, they are probably stuck there for years to come.

THE Beavers, as they are to everyone else, are a non factor in Oregon Sports. I often explain my lack of like or dislike for them and people seem to understand. I'm not a diehard Duck fan, although with some hollandaise sauce and raspberry jam Duck cannot be beat.

I'm not sure I can ever like or even forgive THE Ohio State University for being THE most pretentious school out there. I would put Ivy league schools up their, but again, none of us common folk care of their douchebaggery.

I do fear that THE Ducks may be in trouble versus THE Ohio State University but I shrink from nothing except when I get out of a pool and get cold, Assparagus, and women humping my leg with my girlfriend in the next room with my frat brothers chanting my name.

Therefore, I accept your bet but since our state unemployment rate is ranked higher than our Football team, I need no more of that.

THE MotherScratcher V. THE IamJoeCollector bet over something that neither one of us has control over but will take all of THE credit for IS ON like Donald Faison.

THE bet is for a box of cards of THE loser's choice. Do you have THE Kidney Stones to accept?

PS. Having known a few Duck cheerleaders they are pretty hot and THE marrying type, whereas THE OSU are attractive and THE drunken frat party pump and dump type.

stusigpi said...

Endnote 1.

I'll even spot you 1/2 point.

Word Verification: fleduck

Really, fleduck.

Motherscratcher said...

The WV does give me pause. As does my last foray into football betting ($10 on the Browns against the Broncos in '87)

However, I'll leave those excuses for the pussies at Michigan U and accept your bet.

I have no idea how to feel about this game. I was sure that THE OSU was worse than LSU and Texas, but I was even more sure that Florida didn't stand a chance. So, even if I feel like I have an idea who is better, I don't know what I'm talking about.

I did look up why the THE is in front of OSU but now I forget. Let's just say that any fan base that refers to themselves as a "nation" has no defense against an accusation of pretentiousness.

SO, it's on like Tommy Chong, or something more clever that rhymes with "on".

I'm going to start drinking now.

Captain Canuck said...

Speaking of Oregon State, I had a job coaching there, for 24 hours, then it was gone.
Hell of a story, remind me to tell it some time.

gcrl said...

gee captain, that sounds like a wally backman deal.

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